“You Have a Choice:” A Discussion with Nikki Bruno on the Schein On Podcast
When a couple divorces, decisions must be made – about child custody, parenting schedules, spousal maintenance, property division, and so forth. The process often requires decisive actions at the very time when people have the most questions or feel the most untethered. The emotional, physical, and mental toll can be great, even for couples who divorce on amicable terms. The longer the process takes, the longer it may take to heal.
But what if it didn’t have to be like that?
Nikki Bruno, a divorce empowerment coach and founder of the company The Epic Comeback, is launching a new program designed to help you get over your divorce before your divorce is over. In Episode 2 of the Schein On podcast, Nikki sat down with me to talk about the program, and the importance of choosing happiness and progress.
Divorce can take longer than you might think
The divorce process can a long time, and the reasons are varied. High conflict divorce litigation can drag out for years as couples battle it out in court, but complacency – a desire to maintain the status quo for the sake of the children, or for the purpose of keeping the boat steady – can also lead to a prolonged divorce. Nikki Bruno explains:
The legal process of divorce can take years. It can take, especially if it’s a high conflict divorce, five years, six years; I’ve heard as many as nine or 10 years. And also, even if it’s a lower conflict situation, sometimes people separate and start going through the divorce process, but they kind of dragged their heels because maybe they have an amicable situation and they’re doing just fine. They’re separated or maybe they’re co-parenting, but then at some point, one of them maybe wants to get remarried and that could be eight or eight or nine years later.
So the point that I’m making is that if you think about how long a divorce – the legal part of a divorce – might take, it’s very reasonable to think that you can get over your divorce before your divorce is over…. And so just the idea that a program like that, or a concept like that exists is something that will draw them to me. And so they’re already a little bit motivated, but the way that I convinced them, it’s very, very practical. You have a choice as a human being.
Accepting loss and finding joy
At the core of Nikki’s program is the understanding that waiting to process the loss or trauma of a divorce until after the divorce may not be best for your physical and mental health – and that you don’t have to process those losses alone. Having the right team by your side can help empower you to make smart and healthy decisions about your future.
“When you’re going through a divorce,” Nikki explains, “it’s so close to an impossibility to make really good decisions. If you’re absolutely flooded with emotion and you’ve all you want to do is be under your blanket and bed.” By working with a divorce coach, a therapist, an attorney, and financial advisor, and a team of professionals, you create a support system that creates more options for you, and which can allow you to process your loss and redefine your own happiness more quickly, more effectively, and less painfully.